best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
