This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
