May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
