i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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