It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
