I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
