So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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