I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
