So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
