I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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