i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
