Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
