I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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