If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
