I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
