Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
