Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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