mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
