Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
