hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
