Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
