Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
