need another drink. this is the easiest way
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
