I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
