Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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