booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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