i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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