it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
