Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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