Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
