The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
