Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
