who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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