just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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