I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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