He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to sanitize my soul.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
