R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
