you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
