Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
