I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
