She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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