Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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