No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
