Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
