I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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