he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
