So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
