Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
