3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
