I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will be naked everywhere
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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