there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
