Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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