So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
