Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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