i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
